On This Page
- What Are The “Red Flags” With Grooming A Child?
- Other Potential Signs Of Grooming For Abuse
- Grooming Of Those Closest To The Victim
- Why Do Abusers Groom Their Victims?
- Who Is A Typical “Groomer”?
- Examples Of Grooming Behaviors
- Online Sexual Grooming
- Examples Of Grooming Behaviors
- Long-Term Effects Of Grooming
- How Can You Prevent Sexual Abuse And What Should You Do If It Occurs?
Latest News
“Sexual grooming” of a child is a phrase that has entered more people’s consciousness in recent years with some high-profile sexual abuse cases covered in the media.
However, this behavior is more common than most people care to think. The disturbing facts are that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they enter adulthood. Half of these children at least are first groomed by the abuser.
Grooming can happen right before your nose if you are not aware of the warning signs. Abusers are often well-practiced at their techniques to avoid detection. Greater awareness of the types of behavior that constitutes grooming a child is the first step to helping prevent it.
So, here we take a look at the typical warning signs to be on the lookout for with children and the adults charged with caring for them.
What Are The “Red Flags” With Grooming A Child?
Grooming is a slow but deliberate process, which can make it hard to detect. That is the idea, of course – so that the victim (and often the parents) believe that a genuine and innocent friendship has formed.
An abuser wants to gain trust with their victim as a means to get close and intimate with the child.
So, grooming often follows a similar pattern of behavior:
- Target the victim: the selection of victim is often based upon accessibility and vulnerability, e.g., low self-esteem, broken family life, etc.
- Develop trust and secrecy: gifts, attention, and sharing of secrets are often used as ways to develop a relationship and earn the trust of victims – and sometimes the primary caregiver(s) too.
- Isolate the victim: abusers will seek opportunities to spend time alone and initiate contact with the victim, physically and emotionally isolating them. This allows the trust to build and the training or “grooming” behavior to continue.
- Build desensitization and sexualize the relationship: sexual abuse often starts with seemingly innocent behavior like hugging. massaging or tickling. Over time, the boundaries will be tested and it escalates to increasingly more “daring” behavior like discussing sexual topics, playing sexual games or sharing inappropriate images.
- Attempted “normalization” of behavior: abusers often take steps to make their behavior (sleepovers and showering together, for instance) seem normal and necessary.
- Maintaining control: intimidation tactics, fear, and invoking sympathy may be used for the abuser to retain the upper hand and control the situation.
Recognizing any of these steps in a non-familial adult-child relationship should be a red flag. Unfortunately, abusers are often smart and quite subtle with their behavior and are skilled at avoiding detection.
Other Potential Signs Of Grooming For Abuse
We’ve already covered many of the major signs. However, you should also be on the lookout for the following:
- Constant flattering and attention-giving to a child who otherwise seldom gets praise
- An adult (other than the parent) who becomes the sole provider of rides, a place to stay, sympathy, outings, etc.
- Discussion of inappropriate topics
- Providing cigarettes, alcohol, or other illegal substances for a child
- Constantly sending secretive texts/emails, etc.
- Private communication through social media
- An adult who prefers the company of children to adults
- Frequent offers of help to primary caregivers to gain time alone with the victim
Grooming Of Those Closest To The Victim
Grooming behavior may extend beyond the intended victim. Often, an abuser is aware that their actions may be called into question by protective parents and other members of the community so they will try to groom the family members and those whose suspicions may be roused.
Creating an aura of trust and respectability is all part of the grooming process because it helps to “normalize” the behavior of the abuser in other adults’ minds.
Often, abusers seem charming and friendly and “fit in” well with the local community on the surface. It reduces suspicion and may intimidate the victim into remaining silent about what’s happening.
This is why abusers are often people close to the family or in a position of trust and authority with the family.
The warning signs must be recognized and heeded if we want to reduce the risk of sexual abuse of children occurring.
Why Do Abusers Groom Their Victims?
One of the main reasons why the grooming process is so difficult to detect for parents is that it works incrementally. It is designed that way. Groomers are smart manipulators and skilled at covering their tracks.
Sexual predators aim to get what they want at all costs, gradually developing fear, isolation, power, and silence in victims. They methodically build trust with a child and the adults around them to gain increased access and time alone with their prey.
From the very first meeting, a groomer may be preparing a victim for abuse using this tried and tested pattern of behavior.
Parents are faced with the difficult task of trying to recognize this pattern and also the behavioral traits of their child.
Who Is A Typical “Groomer”?
This suggests that there are always warning signs that we should be cognizant of — not just parents but all adults who frequently spend time around children.
It is challenging to spot a groomer from appearances and behavior alone. Predators come from all races, occupations, and relationships with the child although the overwhelming majority tend to be male.
They prey on both boys and girls and many tend to work in professions with ready access to vulnerable people, such as schools, care centers, youth organizations, religious organizations, and so on.
We’ve all heard of many disturbing sexual abuse cases in institutions that most Americans used to consider among the most upstanding in the country, such as the Boy Scouts of America and the Catholic Church.
We have learnt in recent years that anyone in any walk of life can be deceitful enough to become a groomer if they take a wrong turn in life. That’s why we need to be on the lookout for the danger signs.
Examples Of Grooming Behaviors
Grooming is a slow but deliberate process that can take place in a matter of minutes, over one conversation, or over long periods of time, which can make it difficult to detect. The key to preventing sexual grooming is to keep an eye out for predatory behavior such as the following:
Giving attention to a child
- Paying special attention or preference to a child
- Giving a child gifts
- Offering special privileges to a child
- Taking a child on a trip
- Communicating with a child privately online
Breaking boundaries with a child
- Bathing a child
- Entering the room where a child is undressing or using the restroom
- Touching a child in seemingly harmless ways, such as tickling, wrestling, or hugging
Engaging in sexually oriented behavior with a child
- Discussing sexually explicit information with a child
- Telling sexually explicit jokes with a child
- Showing a child sexually explicit content
Online Sexual Grooming
Many perpetrators use the internet to groom their victims. Basically, the goal is to create trust and then quickly or slowly exploit that trust. A secondary goal is to use shame and fear to make sure the child stays quiet about how they’ve been exploited.
Common online platforms used by abusers for grooming include:
- Social media networks
- Texting or messaging apps, such as WhatsApp
- Online forums or chat rooms
- Text, voice, or chat features in video games
Abusers often exploit the anonymity that technology offers. They can easily hide behind an unknown phone number, an e-mail address, an avatar, or an online profile.
Often, they create fake profiles and pose as somebody younger, of a different gender and/or sexual orientation in order to befriend the victim and gain their trust.
Long-Term Effects Of Grooming
The impact of grooming can last a lifetime, no matter whether it happened in person, online or both. Some common effects of sexual grooming include:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Dissociation
- Sleeping difficulties
- Problems with sex
- Self-harm
- Eating disorders
- Suicidal thoughts
How Can You Prevent Sexual Abuse And What Should You Do If It Occurs?
The best approach to sexual abuse and grooming is prevention. Educate your children about risks and what the normal personal “boundaries” are and what to do if someone touches or speaks to them inappropriately. Teach them about the online dangers of abuse too.
Most people who interact with our children are well-intentioned and trustworthy and would never dream of harming a child. We shouldn’t turn everyone we meet into a potential abuser in our children’s minds.
Unfortunately, the exceptions to the rule can go undetected and may be given a free rein to practice their abusive behavior. By educating our children about acceptable boundaries and recognizing the early warning signs of grooming, everyone in the community is better prepared to prevent it.
Rest assured, if you contact the lawyers at Andreozzi & Foote with information on a case involving child sexual abuse, all the information provided will be treated confidentially, including your identity. Start with a free and confidential consultation.
